Assalamualaikum and hello my blogworld!
Ive been doing good since the last few days I was so down. Deeply broken, but then thank you God for sending me good bunch of friends who were always there to support me. Im really grateful because You send them to accompany me and made me realize that there will always be rainbow after a rain. And yeah, I believe that. I believe in You, my dear God and I know you have written this in my whole life story. It’s a good experience and Im sure sometimes I will look back just to remind myself not to do the same mistake anymore. Alhamdulillah for this second chance You give me. Nothing else, beside Alhamdulillah to You.
Finally I learn on how to let go. Yes, IKHLAS for everything that already happened. It’s a life lesson. A huge lesson for me to continue to survive in this challenging world. And a huge lesson for me to come back to Your way. The road that Ive left because I was blinded for dunya. I realize things will happen according to what You have arranged. Kun fayakun. That’s the thing. And now Im experiencing it by myself.
I think you sent your messages to me through the people around me. Arief, the person who I ever fallen in love with. Gilang, a very good friend of mine who will always advise me on everything that I share with him. Fatma, a very good friend of mine who is very nice to share everything with her. There are still many people around me, but for now, these 3 individuals have their own impacts in my life.
Arief, like my previous post about how You sent him as a lesson in blessings, he was one part that changed me, from a very huge circle, he actually played that part. People changes, so do I. I change because finally I realize that I need my life improvement. And Arief is the one who clearly stated that. Thank You God for sending him to me. Enough of Arief, Ive explained about him in lots of post. Hha :P
Gilang, he was there since day one. I never thought that this friendship will long last. I mean, I ever made him angry for once and he was really angry to me. But then, till today, he still the one I turn to. Especially when I sad. Hha sorry om :P He is a very good reminder of my life. He told me reasons for things I hardly accept. He told my to turn to Allah if I have problems. He told me about what I should focus on for my own life. I might lost so damn far if I haven’t talk to him. Thank You God for sending me a good friend. Alhamdulillah.
Fatma, at first I have no courage at all to share with her. But then, someone told me that she is very open minded and surely will be a very good adviser for me. And she did. It’s a short conversation, but so meaningful. I like how she looks at things from her own perspective. I mean, from every perspective and she learn how to grow with that. He advise were very good to me. The most important thing is she said about loving Allah more than loving human. One thing that I might have forgotten before. She also shared about a lot of good things. Maybe later I’ll post about it. Alhamdulillah, I have a good friend like her.
Based on that, I realize I should start my own life priority now. Its for my own future. I might have that since long ago, but because of something that is actually avoidable, I have forgotten all that. Yeah, because of love. Like I said, holding on too much for human love and get blinded, I forgot about anything else. Now I realize, my decision to leave the love that once I had was a good one. I do feel sorry for my heart and the one I hurt. But then, this is the best thing I could do. no only for me, but also for you and everyone else.
Since day one, I have nothing else to achieve in my life except making my parents happy. That’s it. I owe them my whole life. The raised me till who I am today. With all of their efforts just to let me become Malisa Sudirman that all of you know today. Im hurt seeing them still working very hard until today. Go to work very early in the morning, working under the sun, get scolded by their boss and customer and go back home late. They’re so precious to me. I don’t know how to pay back everything they had done to me. I really don’t know. But Im sure You will show me the way. Atleast I could release their burden. InsyaAllah…..
Im back to my priority. The list that Ive made few years ago. At the top of the list is my parents. Everything for them. Nothing will stop me from making them happy. Because I will fight to death for them. Just for them. I don’t wanna hurt them anymore. I don’t wanna increase their burden anymore. Enough. Its my responsibility now. I will make them happy. With all of the way I could, I will make them happy till their last breath, till they live in Jannah.
I will make myself happy. I will do everything that I want. And no one can stop me. I will grow, taller and stronger. Inside and out. I shouldn’t be that fragile anymore. I have my God, my parents and my friends for my strength. Im sure that one day I will be totally alright and smile when I remember whatever bad things that ever happened to me. im strong enough to face the world. There can be miracles when you believe.
Be strong Malisa Sudirman! :D
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