Wednesday, 9 January 2013

My LDR Doesnt Works

Assalamualaikum and hello my blogworld! :D
This time, Im about to share something regarding my very own experience on relationship. Yup, relationship but not about a galau thingy, this time will be much more on how my past relationship taught me about to be better for my future, especially in my later relationship. :)
As all of you know, I had this relationship that nowadays teenage called as ‘Long Distance Relationship’. Yes, I had an LDR with someone who is living far away from me, for about 9 months. Overall, it was a good experience, despite the break up I have learn so much from it. So now, I would like to discuss not the reason why we broke up, but what I learn from my failed LDR.
1.       Patience

In my opinion, this is the main thing that I learned from my failed LDR. It’s a fact that Im not a patient Icha, well most of the times I took decision without thinking about it properly. And this is what I get, he already gone from my life. A very expensive price that I should pay after months of togetherness and future plans that’s gone with him.

I don’t wanna talk more about what had happened, but what I wanna say here is that in a relationship, no matter whether you’re near or far away from someone you love, patience is the key for the relationship to last long, maybe till you marry one another one day. I believe that everyone in this earth wants a partner who have a good level of patience, because who would stand to live with someone who easily get mad all the times, right?

So now, Im reminding myself to learn and try harder to be more patient in life. Not only for a relationship, but also for everything regarding my life. I believe that I cant pleased everyone and not everyone gonna like me, but once we have a positive attitude, it will be much better. Because positively you will brings out a positive energy to your surrounding and everything will be much better later on. What should I do now? I should put an effort to change myself to be better. In terms of patience, I think I should (always) take a step backward before saying / doing something or making a decision. Think about it properly and then decide the best thing. Secondly, if someone tried to make me annoying with their attitude, I shouldn’t bother. Why should I right? Just let them do things they want as long as they’re happy and Im not harm from it. hhe :D

Special part for a relationship, I think I should be more and more patience in facing my partner soon. He is someone I love, someone who I willing to sacrifice my life for and I could say my everything, then why cant I have more patience toward him, tolerate with his attitude and see thing from the positive side.

2.       Maturity

Im a super childish Icha and it’s a true fact. :(( Yes I know, I am 22 (and going to 23) and still acting like a 12 years old kid. And the result of being so was not good at all. a break up from him. Regrets? Yes I do have it, but now after months of trying to move on, I shouldn’t have anymore regrets. I should thank to him, for seriously leaving me and now I have to accept the reality.

In my opinion, your age doesn’t determine your maturity level. Like seriously, it happened to me and now I believe its true. As a grown up, I should act like one, not like a little kid anymore. Yes, we can act like being a ‘manja’ partner but not most of the times we should be that way. There are times that we need to suit ourself. So do I. Fitting myself to every kind of situation is really hard, because my little kid brain said everything have be according what I want. And now, I really get what I want, he left. See, its no good at all right?

So now, I should take a huge action to help myself. Yes, Im trying to help myself from this immaturity disease. I want to wake up that I should really act and do like a grown up, throw my little kid mindset far away and love myself more. Yup, I think I act like a little kid because I don’t really love myself. If I do love myself, then I shouldn’t do those kind of thing that will hurt me right?

For my future relationship, I hope I will be more ready and more serious on going through it. im not saying Im not taking my past relationship seriously, but maybe I shouldn’t put my 1000% on it. Ready in terms of being mature on saying yes to someone who will be my future partner later and ready to stay with him no matter how hard the condition is, as a mature young lady. Not easily giving up like a little kid anymore. :))

3.       Understanding and Tolerance

I don’t have enough understanding and tolerate toward him. That’s why our relationship doesn’t work out and have so many problems. Alright, I admit that Im selfish *brb lari ke kamar mandi dan bershower* ---_______---

What I totally learned from my past failed LDR was both of the issue which is understanding and tolerate should be upheld more. Yup, both issue is a serious matter not only for those who are in LDR because I believe this is for every relationship. For a two person who fall in love, they are both different individual, from different background, different habit and another thousands differences. Yes, they might share some similarities, but most of the times, they will find that they’re totally different towards one another. The key for the differences is understanding and tolerate. Because when you are different, by having an understanding toward them, you can tolerate to it. Lets take an example when they cant make it to a lunch together with you due to work, you cant just get mad. Understand first that he needs to finish his job and then you can tolerate by accepting the reason why.

For my next, hopefully my last, I hope I can develop more understanding and tolerance toward my partner. Im not being a NATO (no action talk only) but Im preparing myself over here. To turn myself to a better and obviously a lot more positive attitude. Because now, I believe that if I want to be understood and tolerate by my partner, I should be the one who do the action first not just waiting for him to give everything.

4.       Trust

Another major issue came out. Trust. Yup, trusting the one you love. LDR or always by your side, without trust, your love will be very fragile and in a moment, it will easily broken.

I have to admit that one of the factors that my LDR failed because I don’t put 1000% trust on him. Why? Because inside me, deep inside me there’s always a huge doubt on him. Because at that time, Im always afraid he will find someone else. Why am I so worry at that time? Because of his work, which is surrounding by women everyday. And yeah, it become reality finally when he found my replacement near to him.

Im not saying that I want to turn back time and start all over again, but Im taking a lesson from this. Always trust your partner. You chose him, you have given him your heart and why on earth you don’t trust him at all? Throw away your doubt. Throw away your worries. He is holding your heart and you are too. Trust each other to take good care of it, both heart are fragile and none of you want to break it right?

InsyaAllah for my future I will try my best to have my trust on my partner. No matter he is near or far, but I should put my trust in him that he will take good care of my heart. Once he have decided to give his heart to me to be taken care of, I should realize that no one can easily disturb us. Feelings are developed through attachment between both of us, and the heart will only can be fitted by two, mine and him. There’s no space for the third. I believe that. :)

5.       Communication

If you’re too afraid too say what you’re feeling, then nothing can be solve. But when you say something on your head without properly thinking about it, then you’re creating problems. Its as simple as that. In my opinion, a good communication between two love birds, no matter near or far can lead to a better and stronger relationship.

I think in my past failed LDR Im not having a good communication with him, under the issue I have mention in the first paragraph of communication part. I forgot that we’re already far away and should be more careful on words and actions, because both of us are super sensitive individual. But then, its too late to realize, that what we had should ended so fast.

For my next and my last, I should have a better communication between my partner, saying things with a proper thought and analysis of good and bad and listen carefully to what he wanna say. If I do act like that, I believe my partner also will do the same to me. InsyaAllah… :)

Hmmm maybe some of the points are not well balanced discussed, but I hope its good enough for us to realize what we need in a relationship. and maybe there are some other points that are not included, maybe later I'll added it up. Well, its not that Im telling you my negative and dark side, but I just wanna share my experience and hope all of us can learn from it. Not only me, but all of you, my beloved readers.

Am I afraid of my next relationship? Hmmm after almost half a year, I think now I should start a new beginning of my love journey. And Im not afraid of another LDR. Serously. Im not afraid of it, because I have prepare myself better for my future relationship. Maybe now, or maybe later I believe God will send me his beautiful wise angel to love, to protect, to care and to be my everything. Im opening my heart now, for whoever fated for me. :)


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