Someday, I'll be Alright...

Hey you, its me again. have I ever told you that Im not doing fine since that day? yup, since the last two months Im not okay. everyday living with my regrets, and keep on crying on my mistakes. its hard for me to accept reality. on how much I wanted you back, as how much I keep on praying, everything wouldnt be the same as how it ever was, like that fast...

I dont know why, whatever you said on the phone yesterday opened my heart. on accepting my reality. our reality. finally I listened to you, and I will always listening to your words. you said that youre not my everything, world doesnt only evolve around you and me, and what if one day you'll die and leave me forever? at first, I cant accept that word. I mean, how could you say so? there's someone here who would do anything just for you and you'll leave? I forgot about God. He who wrote our life story, my life story. 

you gave me a song, entitled 'Mata Hati Telinga' and you asked me to read and understand the lyrics.you asked me to pray, more, and effectively do it. you asked me to do activities. you even asked me to talk to anyone. I did. for you. because I know you're suffering looking at me like this. as how much I ever said that Im suffering, you are more than I ever imagine. I listened to your words, because I love you. no, Im not asking you to love me back, but Im telling you that deep in my heart, there's one feeling that I cant avoid if its about you. its love.

I think finally you said the right word, with your soft voice. you know me well, how stubborn I am. no matter what people said, how hard they try, I will never ever listen to them. except they are my parents, I will obey them even how hard it was. thank you for brought my life back, even you're no more inside it. I will keep on living my life, according to what He had written for me. a new world is waiting for me, I'll meet new people, and I hope I will always smile to it. Im putting the pieces of broken heart back together, I know its not that fast to be ok, but I'll try. try as hard as I could. for you.

one day I'll learn why this ever happened to us. why He said we have to be this way. why Im no longer with you. till that one day for getting the reason, I'll be strong. be a better Icha in facing life. I'll learn to let go. I do believe in God and I know He will give the best to us. maybe one day you'll be with someone who will make you happy, will accept you as who you are, appreciate everything you do and most important, better than who I am. I want to see you having a better life, happy surrounded by love. because your happiness means my happiness, even if its not me to make you happy. I know that I can't make you love me, want me, or understand me. All I can do is hope that someday you will. and I hope someday, I'll be alright....

"Nothing could change what you mean to me"

 -Heaven, Bryan Adams-

love,

Icha~