Wednesday, 3 June 2015

Wedding Day : A Lesson Learned

Assalamualaikum, hello blogworld! :)

                So I am married for almost 6 months now, and Alhamdulillah we can overcome everything together smoothly, though sometimes “thunder attacks” happened between us. Today I am gonna share with you what I have learned from my wedding day, from the very beginning of its preparation until the D-day. Why is that so? Honestly, there’s a lot to learn when we face it by ourself. Yes, I heard a lot of reminders on how wedding day is less important than the marriage itself, but then, I think to prove it, I gotta go though it first. And finally, what they are saying is true! Im nit stubborn of not following the advise, but there are some component in my life that does not connect directly to my commitment on wedding day. 

Lesson No #1 – Personal vs Parents Demands

                Most of people I know, said that they are having an extravagant wedding day because of their parents. Because their parents wanted to show of how well they raised their children and how much money the kids make so that they can spend hundred million of Rupiahs in a day. Not all, but some, highly potential of doing this. While some others, stick to their own life commitment and go with their own choice to celebrate their wedding, parents please kindly step aside. And for me, it was a mix of my own and parent’s decision. Honestly, I wanted to have a very small kind of wedding celebration and the guests are people I know very well and the concept will be like a Western wedding, so much privacy and exclusivity. But then, my parents step in and destroyed everything from the venue, the concept, the guest, the budget, EVERYTHING. I felt disappointed at first. Its my wedding, why cant I make my own choice? And the power of parents and big family knocked me down and I have to say yes to everything they wanted except one thing that I cannot tolerate, BUDGET ISSUE. I do not want to spend hundred million Rupiahs for that so I was so strict on the spending. 

                In the end, I learned that this kind of thing actually can be discussed nicely and everyone will be happy. The key is good communication between myself, my partner and our parents. Eventhough in the end, the parents will always make the final decision and I have to be strong enough in accepting it. 

Lesson No #2 – Strict to Budget Planned

                Since the very beginning we decided to get married, we have agreed on how much we will spend for the whole thing, from the transportation cost, wedding attire, family costume, food and beverages, emergency budget etc. Overall, we are following the guidelines we made earlier, but then when it come to Kerinci, we faced so much trouble. The main issue came from F&B side. Too much spending, uncontrolled amount of money was taken from our bank account that is quite far from the initial budget but still it falls under emergency post. The family members who are taking care of the catering doesn’t care when we mention that we only have that several amount of cash to be spent on F&B and they keep on saying our money is not enough. But the fact that my family in Kerinci increased the invitation to 300 pcs from 100 pcs was hurting me enough and they said the food is not enough is totally their fault! Why did they add the number of guests whom I never approved? Why on earth they put the burden to me to pay for the food I never asked? Seriously, I hate that situation and the person who taking care of that is my father’s sister and my parents also don’t know what to say because they are also stuck in that situation. In the end, I have to learn to let go the emergency budget that Ive been keeping just in case for emergency, which the situation was not even an emergency at all but just a selfish decision my other family member in Kerinci to add number of guests and increase food volume. 

                What I learn from this? If I want to include my family members to any of my personal event in the future, especially when it comes to money, I will make sure that I have explained everything I wanted and how much will I spend. If they do not agree on that, they can walk out and Im gonna take care of it by myself. I work so hard to keep on topping up my bank account and they easily want to burn it all for their own satisfaction? Get the hell out of my way. 

Lesson No #3 – Ensure the Vendors You Never Met

                Almost of every vendors Im using for the pre-wedding preparation was online services. It was all alright until the D-day. Where I have to face uncomfortable make up done by a “female male”, the pelaminan and suntiang was not according to my imagination and also picture sent to me and the decoration was not satisfying enough. Yes, I have to accept that I was married in a small village with a very minimum modernization and everything seems to be limited, including XL signal coverage! But still, I do have right to get a good wedding service, right? 

                The thing is, I learned that in this situation I have to have a bigger heart to accept the reality and apart from that, I need to take more attention on the vendors that my relatives chosen for me. Its too late actually to go back, but maybe you can learn from this. Do not trust your family choice! 

Lesson No #4 – Wedding is Just a One Day Event  

                The most important thing is, wedding is just a one day event. No matter how big or small your wedding celebration is, people will forget and move on. You will post some (or maybe a lot of) updates on social media for a few weeks after your wedding day, due to its euphoria. But then, you will slowly forgot about it and continue your life and back to reality. Not to forget, you will actually realize that you have over spent for that one day and not spending enough for the marriage itself. Thank God if you already be prepared of the marriage, what if not. Life after marriage is longer in distance and surely gonna have its own ups and downs, have you prepare for that? Honestly, I am thankful enough that I never regret the amount of money that I spent on that day, since its still under budget though the emergency budget was used, many family get involved though I have different taste and perspective and our parents are happy for the wedding and marriage. 

                Its my wedding day lessons, how bout yours?


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