Assalamualaikum, hello blogworld! :)
So
I am married for almost 6 months now, and Alhamdulillah we can overcome
everything together smoothly, though sometimes “thunder attacks” happened
between us. Today I am gonna share with you what I have learned from my wedding
day, from the very beginning of its preparation until the D-day. Why is that
so? Honestly, there’s a lot to learn when we face it by ourself. Yes, I heard a
lot of reminders on how wedding day is less important than the marriage itself,
but then, I think to prove it, I gotta go though it first. And finally, what
they are saying is true! Im nit stubborn of not following the advise, but there
are some component in my life that does not connect directly to my commitment
on wedding day.
Lesson No #1 – Personal vs
Parents Demands
Most
of people I know, said that they are having an extravagant wedding day because
of their parents. Because their parents wanted to show of how well they raised
their children and how much money the kids make so that they can spend hundred
million of Rupiahs in a day. Not all, but some, highly potential of doing this.
While some others, stick to their own life commitment and go with their own
choice to celebrate their wedding, parents please kindly step aside. And for
me, it was a mix of my own and parent’s decision. Honestly, I wanted to have a
very small kind of wedding celebration and the guests are people I know very
well and the concept will be like a Western wedding, so much privacy and
exclusivity. But then, my parents step in and destroyed everything from the
venue, the concept, the guest, the budget, EVERYTHING. I felt disappointed at
first. Its my wedding, why cant I make my own choice? And the power of parents
and big family knocked me down and I have to say yes to everything they wanted
except one thing that I cannot tolerate, BUDGET ISSUE. I do not want to spend
hundred million Rupiahs for that so I was so strict on the spending.
In
the end, I learned that this kind of thing actually can be discussed nicely and
everyone will be happy. The key is good communication between myself, my
partner and our parents. Eventhough in the end, the parents will always make
the final decision and I have to be strong enough in accepting it.
Lesson No #2 – Strict to Budget Planned
Since
the very beginning we decided to get married, we have agreed on how much we
will spend for the whole thing, from the transportation cost, wedding attire, family
costume, food and beverages, emergency budget etc. Overall, we are following
the guidelines we made earlier, but then when it come to Kerinci, we faced so
much trouble. The main issue came from F&B side. Too much spending, uncontrolled
amount of money was taken from our bank account that is quite far from the
initial budget but still it falls under emergency post. The family members who
are taking care of the catering doesn’t care when we mention that we only have
that several amount of cash to be spent on F&B and they keep on saying our
money is not enough. But the fact that my family in Kerinci increased the
invitation to 300 pcs from 100 pcs was hurting me enough and they said the food
is not enough is totally their fault! Why did they add the number of guests
whom I never approved? Why on earth they put the burden to me to pay for the
food I never asked? Seriously, I hate that situation and the person who taking
care of that is my father’s sister and my parents also don’t know what to say
because they are also stuck in that situation. In the end, I have to learn to
let go the emergency budget that Ive been keeping just in case for emergency,
which the situation was not even an emergency at all but just a selfish
decision my other family member in Kerinci to add number of guests and increase
food volume.
What
I learn from this? If I want to include my family members to any of my personal
event in the future, especially when it comes to money, I will make sure that I
have explained everything I wanted and how much will I spend. If they do not
agree on that, they can walk out and Im gonna take care of it by myself. I work
so hard to keep on topping up my bank account and they easily want to burn it
all for their own satisfaction? Get the hell out of my way.
Lesson No #3 – Ensure the Vendors
You Never Met
Almost
of every vendors Im using for the pre-wedding preparation was online services.
It was all alright until the D-day. Where I have to face uncomfortable make up
done by a “female male”, the pelaminan and suntiang was not according to my
imagination and also picture sent to me and the decoration was not satisfying
enough. Yes, I have to accept that I was married in a small village with a very
minimum modernization and everything seems to be limited, including XL signal
coverage! But still, I do have right to get a good wedding service, right?
The
thing is, I learned that in this situation I have to have a bigger heart to
accept the reality and apart from that, I need to take more attention on the
vendors that my relatives chosen for me. Its too late actually to go back, but
maybe you can learn from this. Do not trust your family choice!
Lesson No #4 – Wedding is Just a
One Day Event
The
most important thing is, wedding is just a one day event. No matter how big or
small your wedding celebration is, people will forget and move on. You will
post some (or maybe a lot of) updates on social media for a few weeks after
your wedding day, due to its euphoria. But then, you will slowly forgot about
it and continue your life and back to reality. Not to forget, you will actually
realize that you have over spent for that one day and not spending enough for
the marriage itself. Thank God if you already be prepared of the marriage, what
if not. Life after marriage is longer in distance and surely gonna have its own
ups and downs, have you prepare for that? Honestly, I am thankful enough that I
never regret the amount of money that I spent on that day, since its still
under budget though the emergency budget was used, many family get involved
though I have different taste and perspective and our parents are happy for the
wedding and marriage.
Its
my wedding day lessons, how bout yours?
-MS-
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