It’s a Love Thing

                We never know when will be the time that special someone will come to our life, holding the exact key to our heart, get in there and stay forever. There are times, where single people doubt that God has written their life and future partner, due to endless loneliness they experience. Or even, they give up on finding that special someone, just because they are too tired of being in wrong relationship, or dating the wrong guy/girl. 

                Being a heartbroken person due to a relationship ended should be a normal thing to experience. I ever experienced that. It was exactly a year ago. I was wondering if I could ever survive, but hey, I made it. I became stronger than ever. I learned how to look at things at various perspectives. I learned how to tolerate with another human being. I learned how to be an adult, not only looking as an adult, but behave like one. That was a different story, where I already shared with you on my previous post. This time, allow me to share about my process on falling for a new person, grow with him and we even made a serious future plan together. 

                Since the moment that I know that there was no way back to that person (my ex), I realize that I have to learn to be independent. I should wake up from that nightmare. Yes, it’s hurt. So damn much, no words can even explain when that someone you thought will be your future are holding another girls hand. That was so real, he already having a new girlfriend. I ever thought that I was useless and foolish. Useless for being left by that guy and foolish for believing whatever he promised, which none came true. I was depressed by that time. 

                Luckily I have friends and God. A strong support system that made me went through the days. I keep on praying to God, I listen to my friend’s advice. I read the Quran, I read motivation books, I watch positive and inspiring movies, listen to motivation songs. I did all that, for the sake of having a better life ahead. I realize I should not be drowning in the ocean of tears. I have lovable family, supportive friends, good employment status and I should be grateful of my life. Being grateful means I should be happy, isn’t it? 

                My friend ever said that “time will heal” and it’s true. My mind and soul are healing through the times. I am enjoying my life, doing well at work, making more friends and widened my connection in Balikpapan and in social network too. As time goes by, I am enjoying my life. Back again to the previous Malisa Sudirman before I met the one who destroyed my life. I was a happy go lucky person, easy going, talkative, fun and all of the positive values in me. So here Im again. Back to the old me, with few improvements. And I hope another human being can see that Im improving. 

                The question pops out. Am I lonely? Well, by that time I wasn’t. Maybe because I am too busy of catching up cementing material for my school, learning about oil and gas industry and too busy finding money. Maybe? Haha :p I ever read that on achieving the goal of ‘move on’ we should let ourselves be busy. Because when we’re focusing on what we are doing, so we will have no time to worries of being single. I was a happy single person, who was trying to fix myself before welcoming someone new. In my mind, If I happen to fall in love again, I want it to be my last and I already fix what’s needed and that person wants to grow with me and live with my imperfections. 

                During the transition phase, I learned a lot. As a result, I could see myself improving. I have learned not to be jealous looking at other people relationship. Haha this kind of silly, but yeah, jealousy is one of my personal problem. Alhamdulillah, Im controlling it well now. For me, why should be jealous of any couple who showing off their relationship on social network if its not working out in the end? Keeping it only to ourselves are the best thing in relationship (well, sorry for now if Im overexposing my relationship :p). I also learned how to give without expecting things back. Just give with all my heart because one day, I believe God will give me whatever I needed. Apart from that, I learned to live my life to the fullest. I don’t care much about being single because we are given one life, we should live maximally. Isn’t it? 

                For me, I think falling in love when we’re ready will let ourself well prepared for it. Being in love is not as easy as what you think. Its not merely a matter of having fun, seeking for attention, get mad of silly stuff and other stupid things you might think. But being in love is where a couple, both of them learn to grow, learn to give and accept, learn to appreciate and many more positive things that could be learned, which most of them are hard to be faced. Based on my personal experience, loving someone in the condition I am not ready for love, I just want to have a boyfriend like anyone else, will never bring any good in the end. Why? Because I never learned from it. I am such a bad attention seeker and childish. But then, it became a precious experience now. If I never felt that such heart broken, I might not be who I am today, right? 

                In conclusion, just enjoy our life, widened your connection, pray a lot to your God that your life and eternity partner will find you soon. 

P.S : I did the conclusion part ;)

-MS-